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And just emptiness.
October 29, 2009Well.. what can I say..
This should be written yesterday but i figured out reacting to this problem when I’m at the height of that emotion is not right. So, here I am in this note trying to figure out how to say it in a way that i won’t be mentioning anything of whoever or of whatsoever.
My life doesn’t just revolve in material things that would make me proud in owning those. They say that I am mere mortal lurking in this planet. That i’m not perfect nor close to perfection. That Ii have never in my life got contented of what i have. That more is what i always crave for. That more money, more friends, more gadgets, more books and more awesome stuffs to splurge to. And that’s a LIE.
I am nothing but a girl being incapable of achieving great power. i am nothing more but a teenager hungry for fun, affection and love. i am nothing but a student struggling to pass college and most of all, i am nothing but a daughter who deceives my parents to get what i want because they restrain me from doing so.
In this week, Ive become too emotional that tempt me to become a lesser human being. whatever i do, it’s always there, rubbing it in on my face. human as i am, it has always been a struggle for me to flee away from these temptations. i give in and accepted the consequences life has given me.
I have no one to turn to. i face my problems alone. yes, i do have friends and yes, i tell them my problems but never did i ask for their help to solve it. lonesome? no. independent? yes. fucked up? probably. strong? i’m going there.
Laughing, believing them that I am always happy are needed to disguise the emptiness within. YES. The Manith that they have known for so long.
To fake it is to stand guard over emptiness.
And just emptiness.
shit is all i can say.
ishmaylz but not ishmaylz…<— enough said.

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