A fresh start.

It was a beautiful day as I looked outside my window. I stared down at my things scattered all over the place. There was a weird silence.
Then shortly a familiar tone was heard. My heart was pounding so hard not knowing why. I walked up closely to hear the words. I felt a sudden shiver.
Then I was struck on what I have heard.

*Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny*

Memories of the past came running back.

After how many months I thought it was long gone…forgotten…never to appear again… I chose to close that chapter in my life… only to find out I was wrong… so wrong. It’s been a long time since that very day but I can still remember the pain, the anger and the suffering. I remember clearly how hard it was to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart…

I tried to be strong… I made myself believed that I had moved on… Then abruptly…unexpectedly…it came without a warning… it sneaked on me. I wasn’t ready for it. Everything that I have tried to hide and erased in my mind and in my heart came rushing back to me like a big gust of wind… I nearly lost my balance…unable to control it… I stumbled and I lie there waiting… I was scared and cold…

Suddenly…I felt a slight prick…it was as if I got stung…the pain was growing by the minute…my whole body was aching really hard.unable to breath.it feels like my heart is going to burst and my vision was becoming blurry.my legs were wet now.i looked up in the sky there was no sign of rain though it was a little bit darker than before.only to realize that the water was coming down from my eyes.why?????

Then it hit me. All those time of running…it finally caught up to me.even though it was right infront of my face i still tried to deny it.pretented it wasn’t there.but i can no longer run.and no matter how i tried to forsake it or refuse to believe it.i can’t do it anymore.i have no one and nothing to turn to.i feel so alone.alone in a little world I built for me to be able to cope.so isolated.so lonely. I hate this feeling…it hurts so much.and the worse part.i got myself to blame for everything.

I got up…a lil shaky but feeling a lil bit stronger now.i looked in the mirror.i stared deeply in my eyes.feelin uneasy as if it was the first time…i saw myself for who I was and i saw exactly what was wrong.all this time i have been afraid to confront my own feelings.i spent my time pointing my fingers on others because that made me feel a little bit better about myself…. i broke down.crying harder than before.i am so mad at myself.i can no longer stand the pain.then it happened.

Everything that I have kept in my heart…all the pains, all the regrets, all the anguish, all the suffering and all the agony was out. it burst out like striking a balloon with a needle… it was as if a big torn was lifted off of me… all I had to do was look inside of myself and see exactly me as me… not expecting some hero that could take on anything… right there I realized I’m not that strong… I’m no wonder woman… I’m also human like anybody else… Capable of making mistakes and capable of learning from them…capable of forgiving and forgetting. I realized can’t close one chapter of my life and pretend it never happened… I can never go back and there’s no chance of re-rewriting those pages but in closing a chapter I could open a new one… A fresh start… But that will only happen if I have moved on and truly let go not only of all the hurt and anger that others had inflicted upon me but what I had brought to myself as well…only then will myself be free.

My broken heart will never be the same. Nevertheless I will pick up all those pieces and hopefully shape it as it once was.

I looked at my window again and saw a rainbow. A little smile formed in my lips as the song ended.

*So say goodbye but don’t you cry cause true love never dies*